Sunday, September 05, 2004
It's been awhile, but I'm back and ready to post. With the elections, Hurricane Frances, NYC protests, and such, there's much to write about....
Thursday, January 29, 2004
What ever happened the freedom of speech?
According to the New Times, CBS won't allow an Anti-Bush Super Bowl Ad from MoveOn.org. It's enough to make you vomit. Interestingly enough, some congressmen actually sent a letter to CBS complaining of their "affront to free speech"--you go, with your bad political selves!--but to no avail. The Conservative Bush Sustainers are sticking by their decision. In the words of Michael Moore, "Dude, where's my country?"
According to the New Times, CBS won't allow an Anti-Bush Super Bowl Ad from MoveOn.org. It's enough to make you vomit. Interestingly enough, some congressmen actually sent a letter to CBS complaining of their "affront to free speech"--you go, with your bad political selves!--but to no avail. The Conservative Bush Sustainers are sticking by their decision. In the words of Michael Moore, "Dude, where's my country?"
Sunday, January 25, 2004
A Question of Misplaced Idealism
$$$$ money. ugh. need some. for me, and, in my greatest of hopes, for family. so here sits this idealist pondering the possibility of misplaced idealism. is it wrong to seek a place in a world of internal fulfillment but low pay, where i can't help the fam, or should i take a job where i can help the fam and potentially lose my soul? i dunno. i used to think that this was a no-brainer; i mean, clearly the former was the way to go. but now, i'm not so sure anymore....
i feel the need to be a provider. not really my official role, but perhaps an expected or necessary one nonetheless. i'm all grown up, and need to behave/think/act/prepare like a grown up. off to look at the want ads....
$$$$ money. ugh. need some. for me, and, in my greatest of hopes, for family. so here sits this idealist pondering the possibility of misplaced idealism. is it wrong to seek a place in a world of internal fulfillment but low pay, where i can't help the fam, or should i take a job where i can help the fam and potentially lose my soul? i dunno. i used to think that this was a no-brainer; i mean, clearly the former was the way to go. but now, i'm not so sure anymore....
i feel the need to be a provider. not really my official role, but perhaps an expected or necessary one nonetheless. i'm all grown up, and need to behave/think/act/prepare like a grown up. off to look at the want ads....
Saturday, January 24, 2004
the girl code and metal jackets and such
Went to Bellevue Bar last night for S's birthday. You know its gonna be an interesting night when a total stranger, standing 6'5" or so in full biker-like attire, long hair, and cowboy hat, gives you $20 for drinks for no reason. It went like this:
Me: (standing 5'1", approaches bar door with cut out letters in hand)
Man: What the fuck is that? (points to letters)
Me: Letters for my friend's birthday. They spell her name.
Man: Like fucking paper mache?
Me: What the fuck do you care? I'm unemployed and didn't have time to get her a gift, so unless you're gonna give me money for one, shutup.
Man: (takes out wad of money, selects a $20) Here. Buy her some drinks. That shit's just embarassing.
Me: Ok. (grab money and run into bar)
Turns out that he was the owner, Jimmy Duff. Nice guy. Very tall, but VERY nice. And the bar, what an interesting place. At first, overwhelmingly loud metal blaring amidst leftover 80's rockers, some Iron Maiden fans, and some punks, plus a few randomers like us. Later, better music, super great people to chat with, and nice strapping men to buy me beer :) I'd go back.
Then, later, girl code challenge situation occurs. To hook up or not to hook up, that is the question (with a pal's pal's ex, that is). Hard to find smart, funny, sensitive conversationalists that I'm immediately comfortable with in this city. (And, a man who knows how to use his hands....) Alas, the freakin' code wins again...I...just...can't...break it....
Me: (standing 5'1", approaches bar door with cut out letters in hand)
Man: What the fuck is that? (points to letters)
Me: Letters for my friend's birthday. They spell her name.
Man: Like fucking paper mache?
Me: What the fuck do you care? I'm unemployed and didn't have time to get her a gift, so unless you're gonna give me money for one, shutup.
Man: (takes out wad of money, selects a $20) Here. Buy her some drinks. That shit's just embarassing.
Me: Ok. (grab money and run into bar)
Turns out that he was the owner, Jimmy Duff. Nice guy. Very tall, but VERY nice. And the bar, what an interesting place. At first, overwhelmingly loud metal blaring amidst leftover 80's rockers, some Iron Maiden fans, and some punks, plus a few randomers like us. Later, better music, super great people to chat with, and nice strapping men to buy me beer :) I'd go back.
Then, later, girl code challenge situation occurs. To hook up or not to hook up, that is the question (with a pal's pal's ex, that is). Hard to find smart, funny, sensitive conversationalists that I'm immediately comfortable with in this city. (And, a man who knows how to use his hands....) Alas, the freakin' code wins again...I...just...can't...break it....
Thursday, January 22, 2004
As long as I'm on the topic of activism....
here's another reason why Walmart sucks.
(From the "girlcotts" section of a feminist clothing site)
here's another reason why Walmart sucks.
(From the "girlcotts" section of a feminist clothing site)
Happy 31st, Roe v. Wade!
Today marks the 31st anniversary of Roe v. Wade, the monumental court decision that gave American women the freedom of choice, and jurisdiction over their own bodies. As an American woman, I'm thankful for this right, grateful to the women and men who helped give it to me. This date comes in a time when the
choice that it awarded is threatened by the Bush administration. The passage of the so-called "Partial Term Abortion Bill" (a term invented by right wing propaganda, NOT doctors, btw) and the back door appointment of Pickering are steps toward the overturning of Roe, and the loss of choice.
Did u know that in NY state alone, a state that gets an A rating from pro-choice activists:
-42 percent of New York counties have no abortion provider.
-Between 1996 and 2000, the number of providers fell from 266 to 234 — a 12 percent loss.
HOLY COW!!!
So be strong, be active, and spread the word! Check out naral or planned parenthood to see what events are happening where u are.
IF YOU'RE NOT PISSED OFF, YOU'RE NOT PAYING ATTENTION!
Today marks the 31st anniversary of Roe v. Wade, the monumental court decision that gave American women the freedom of choice, and jurisdiction over their own bodies. As an American woman, I'm thankful for this right, grateful to the women and men who helped give it to me. This date comes in a time when the
choice that it awarded is threatened by the Bush administration. The passage of the so-called "Partial Term Abortion Bill" (a term invented by right wing propaganda, NOT doctors, btw) and the back door appointment of Pickering are steps toward the overturning of Roe, and the loss of choice.
Did u know that in NY state alone, a state that gets an A rating from pro-choice activists:
-42 percent of New York counties have no abortion provider.
-Between 1996 and 2000, the number of providers fell from 266 to 234 — a 12 percent loss.
HOLY COW!!!
So be strong, be active, and spread the word! Check out naral or planned parenthood to see what events are happening where u are.
IF YOU'RE NOT PISSED OFF, YOU'RE NOT PAYING ATTENTION!
Saturday, January 17, 2004
Hey there, Brooklynites. Staying warm on this fairly chilly evening in NYC?
As for me, I'm toastily inside my apt feeling pensive for some reason. Nothing like a post-first encounter to bring out the thoughtfulness in a girl. B is going to a museum tomorrow, he says as I look up from typing. But thinking--this mode of thinking--this verb-driven mood forces me to examine the encounter and others like it; those from the past and what will be of those in the future. Cerebral connections are fascinating by default, but I wonder if they leave room for more emotional ones too. Is one type more important than the other at first, or should there be traces of both in all stages of relating? I dunno yet. Gotta think about it s'more....
As for me, I'm toastily inside my apt feeling pensive for some reason. Nothing like a post-first encounter to bring out the thoughtfulness in a girl. B is going to a museum tomorrow, he says as I look up from typing. But thinking--this mode of thinking--this verb-driven mood forces me to examine the encounter and others like it; those from the past and what will be of those in the future. Cerebral connections are fascinating by default, but I wonder if they leave room for more emotional ones too. Is one type more important than the other at first, or should there be traces of both in all stages of relating? I dunno yet. Gotta think about it s'more....
Thursday, January 15, 2004
So here are some ramblings of mine from the past:
fear over desire=??
A friend of mine wrote this to me today:
I think I have a fear of relationships. I don't know the guy and my first reaction is no. And I was thinking, is he not attractive...but that wasn't it. I think I freak when it comes to relationships. I don't know what to do about it. People can talk to me about a guy, and I hold my breath, fearful I think. Is it normal?
My reply:
Yes, I think it is. I think everyone has that feeling at some point in his/her dating development. It seems to come at the midpoint of where an intense breakup sits opposite the endpoint of being ready to enter the dating world again. I think it is necessary and ok. Personally, I think its the ratio of fear to desire to date that counts--if fear is greater, then you're just not ready yet; if desire is greater, then you are. Fear is ok, I think, as long as it isn't permanently overweighing your desire to date. So for now, maybe you should just follow your instincts...I'm sure you'll let yourself know when you're ready to be out there again.
My math teacher was right--fractions are pretty useful in the real world.
seeking rejection
never before have i been so anxious to be rejected. i mean, being in limbo about employment sux! i used to wanna hear tons of yes's from places i'd applied--now all i seek is some big fat no's. no is faaaaar better than nothing. just gimme something; ANYTHING! i deserve that, don't i? ugh. but modern employment philosophies say that unless jobs want me, i'll never hear back. so am i in? am i out? are they just slow to process paperwork? but no calls please. no contact please. don't call us, we'll call you. don't email us, we'll email you. ookkkkkkaayyy...i'm wAAAAiting.... limbo limbo limbo...an endless state of limbo.
the dance
sometimes, for no reason whatsoever, pensivity and bland awareness arise, replacing a previously normal termperment. it is a strange state, this sense of melancholy, making one drunk with thoughts crept up from the depths of the subconscious.
are these things really worth getting sucked into? are they valid thoughts, points to be considered or simply pieces of weight intended to sink contention away? regardless, they come. and i hear them. and i think them. and i then i know.... their persuasive pangs shape my form into a slightly distorted version of myself, and i get the sense that some unknown doom is impending....
>>>>>>>>>............<<<<<<<<<
what is it that they want--these people you think you know. you do the dance of trust, carefully placing each step in succession, bringing you closer to this partner of yours. with each step, you reveal more, you trust more, and your partner, well, he/she matches your steps until you think you can speed the tempo and carelessly move together, without fear of violation. and it is then, once you reach this point of comfort, that things inevitably yet surprisingly seem to change. the footsteps of onlookers are encroaching, watching you and your partner with the not-so-secret hope of breaking your pairing, stealing your partern, and forming a new pair including themself in your place. this is the nature of the dance. but is it the nature of dancers to invite these onlookers? and if it is, why do we dance at all? is it just a way to break to intensive comfort established between a pair, to avoid connecting? or simply to correct initial malpairing?
fear over desire=??
A friend of mine wrote this to me today:
I think I have a fear of relationships. I don't know the guy and my first reaction is no. And I was thinking, is he not attractive...but that wasn't it. I think I freak when it comes to relationships. I don't know what to do about it. People can talk to me about a guy, and I hold my breath, fearful I think. Is it normal?
My reply:
Yes, I think it is. I think everyone has that feeling at some point in his/her dating development. It seems to come at the midpoint of where an intense breakup sits opposite the endpoint of being ready to enter the dating world again. I think it is necessary and ok. Personally, I think its the ratio of fear to desire to date that counts--if fear is greater, then you're just not ready yet; if desire is greater, then you are. Fear is ok, I think, as long as it isn't permanently overweighing your desire to date. So for now, maybe you should just follow your instincts...I'm sure you'll let yourself know when you're ready to be out there again.
My math teacher was right--fractions are pretty useful in the real world.
seeking rejection
never before have i been so anxious to be rejected. i mean, being in limbo about employment sux! i used to wanna hear tons of yes's from places i'd applied--now all i seek is some big fat no's. no is faaaaar better than nothing. just gimme something; ANYTHING! i deserve that, don't i? ugh. but modern employment philosophies say that unless jobs want me, i'll never hear back. so am i in? am i out? are they just slow to process paperwork? but no calls please. no contact please. don't call us, we'll call you. don't email us, we'll email you. ookkkkkkaayyy...i'm wAAAAiting.... limbo limbo limbo...an endless state of limbo.
the dance
sometimes, for no reason whatsoever, pensivity and bland awareness arise, replacing a previously normal termperment. it is a strange state, this sense of melancholy, making one drunk with thoughts crept up from the depths of the subconscious.
are these things really worth getting sucked into? are they valid thoughts, points to be considered or simply pieces of weight intended to sink contention away? regardless, they come. and i hear them. and i think them. and i then i know.... their persuasive pangs shape my form into a slightly distorted version of myself, and i get the sense that some unknown doom is impending....
>>>>>>>>>............<<<<<<<<<
what is it that they want--these people you think you know. you do the dance of trust, carefully placing each step in succession, bringing you closer to this partner of yours. with each step, you reveal more, you trust more, and your partner, well, he/she matches your steps until you think you can speed the tempo and carelessly move together, without fear of violation. and it is then, once you reach this point of comfort, that things inevitably yet surprisingly seem to change. the footsteps of onlookers are encroaching, watching you and your partner with the not-so-secret hope of breaking your pairing, stealing your partern, and forming a new pair including themself in your place. this is the nature of the dance. but is it the nature of dancers to invite these onlookers? and if it is, why do we dance at all? is it just a way to break to intensive comfort established between a pair, to avoid connecting? or simply to correct initial malpairing?
Welcome to my new blog! I intend to let it all out on the virtual pages of this blog/journal-thing, so beware! Looking forward to seein' ya!
